No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
