I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
