I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
