take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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