there's paper in my vomit.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
