Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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