your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
