I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
