4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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