sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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