My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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