so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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