I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
