Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
