we have officially lost it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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