She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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