So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
