u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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