She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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