Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
