WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
