i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
