As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize