Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
