Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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