You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize