smell my finger.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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