shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
