Soap is not a condiment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
