She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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