I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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