We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
