and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
