ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, beer. Big fan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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