If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
