Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
