I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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