Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
