Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
