worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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