apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
