hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize