My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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