i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
