Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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