when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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