im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
