he puts the penis in happiness.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
