Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize