ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
