I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
