12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
