just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
