life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
