im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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