Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
