I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
