Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
