How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
