I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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