The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize