I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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