I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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