Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize