I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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