oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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