So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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