Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
