also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
