so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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