I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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