I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I look better un-naked...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
