If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
